writing

Changing Desires Into Habits

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

Is writing a habit or a desire for you?

Let’s be sure we distinguish the difference between the two:

A habit is something we do as a regular tendency or practice. Almost without thinking about it, we just do it.

A desire is a strong wish or want. Thus, it IS thought about—sometimes thought about A LOT—but it may, or may not, actually happen. And certainly doesn’t happen on its own, without effort on our part.

So, just what does it take to move writing out of the desire category and form it into a habit?

Glad you asked.

They say to form a habit, it takes breaking the old habit and replacing it with a new habit.

That takes, according to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cybernetics, a minimum of 21 days for the old image in our brains to disappear.

Then, according to Phillippa Lally, University of London researcher, it takes from 66 to 500 days for a new behavior to become automatic.

Let’s see. That comes out to be a total of 3-18 months for the entire process.

It may seem easier for you to keep writing in the desire category than spend the time necessary to build writing as a habit, but…

are you really content with a life filled with only desires???

A life as a non-writer?

A life as a dreamer of dreams, but with no dreams realized?

Be honest. Because this is where the rubber meets the road…where the pen meets the paper, isn’t it?

This is a new year. Honor yourself by taking those dreams of being a writer and acting on them.

Realize them this year by forming the habit of writing.

Make a reasonable writing plan.

Reaffirm your plan every day by sticking to it.

Re-evaluate your plan on a quarterly basis (at the very least).

Recognize that you may need help: from “how-to” books, conferences, pep-talks from other writers, a mentor, and so on.

If you will do this, next January you should be able to say “I AM A WRITER!”

Get that? NOT “I desire to be a writer,” but instead you’ll enjoy the fact that you will have formed the habit of writing.

Actors, ice-skaters, gymnasts, singers, magicians…they ALL had to form habits of being what they desired to be.

Writers are no different.

We have to replace the old habits of watching too much television or taking long afternoon naps or shopping  too often and replace them with actively writing every day or we will NOT meet the goal.

So, let me ask you again:

Is writing just a desire for you? Or are you willing to do what it takes to make it a habit?

A Handshake and a Smile

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

I grew up in the era of the door-to-door salesman. The Fuller Brush Man. The Avon Lady.  Most of them had great smiles and talked really fast. If they had a firm handshake, my mother kept the door open a little longer.

What do a handshake and a smile have to do with being an author?

EVERYTHING!!!

You may think that you’re selling your book…your words…but, the truth is, in large part, you are selling YOURSELF.

Most of the authors I follow, and read loyally, are people I like. Oh, I’ve not met many of them, personally, but you can learn a lot about a person by reading their blogs, visiting their websites, and so on.

You may be fortunate enough to go to one of their book signings or visit with them at a writers’ conference.

The truth is, if you like them…feel like you connect to them in some way…like the same sports, movies, food…you are more likely to read their books than those of someone with whom you feel a disconnect.

Just saying.

So, when the proverbial shoe is on the other foot, the same goes. A potential reader may catch up with you at a book signing, extend their hand, and before you know it…that’s right, the dreaded handshake.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they shake your hand. Extroverts and those with self-confidence have firm grips. Introverts, with less self-confidence, often show fear or weakness by displaying  cold, clammy, soft, limp, lifeless handshakes.

So, work a little on that handshake. A great one earns respect and will impress others:

A handshake should last only 3-6 seconds.

It should be firm, but not a death grip.  Apply the same pressure as the person you’re shaking hands with. This will convey warmth and sincerity, confidence, and equality.

Make sure to make eye contact and repeat the person’t name, as you shake their hand.

Finally, just like a burger needs a bun, a handshake needs a smile.

So, here are a few hints in that direction:

Displaying a confident smile ensures that people take you seriously.

A true (not fake) smile reaches all the way up to your eyes so that the corners crinkle.

Part your teeth, slightly (this is where good hygiene goes a long way), widen your eyes a little, put your shoulders back, and maintain eye contact.

Remember, when you appear more enthusiastic and motivated, others will see you as more cheerful, attractive, and young…at least that’s what researchers say.

And who wouldn’t want to appear younger?

Finally, I’d say that, as much as possible, let your writing display these same, positive qualities. Let your words on the page exude warmth, caring, and friendliness. Let them be your handshake and a smile.

No More Excuses!

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

Okay. So, a dream of mine is owning a “writing” cabin. A place where I can go to be alone, without distractions, and just write.

A fellow writer recently announced that she and her husband just purchased, and have already moved to, just such a place. I am so excited for her!

But, for myself, I am not quite able to do that just yet.

So what is a writer to do?

Well, my husband rented us a home for two weeks on the Washington coast—high on a bluff, overlooking the ocean—a dream of mine come true.

I will write. He will fish with his buddies. Life doesn’t get much better than that!

But, let’s bring this discussion back into perspective. Crank it down a notch or two.

The point is this: writers need a place to write, set apart from the noise and activity that abounds at home. If you can afford to buy a cabin—wonderful! If you can rent one for a short period and immerse yourself in writing—fantastic.

If neither of these is plausible, at this point, just opt for a bedroom you can convert into an office, or a separate bedroom with a desk—and a lock on the door…someplace with relative peace and quiet that you can utilize to separate yourself from daily life…a place where you can immerse yourself into the “world” you are creating in your book…a place where your characters come alive and speak to you…a place where you can thrive as an author.

If these aren’t options for you, then consider blocks of time when your family is not at home and you can write without annoying distractions…a time when the house is quiet and you can write—type—pace—talk out loud—whatever you need to do to move forward with your writing.

You may have to schedule available time by enrolling your children in sports or a Parks and Recreation class, etc. It may require a monetary, as well as a time, commitment.

I have a friend who finds Starbucks a great place to write…

But, listen, in all seriousness, doesn’t everything that is important, require a sacrifice of some sort?

So, no more excuses not to write.

Be creative. Find what works best for you. Take a trip to your favorite office supply store and buy what you need and then get back home and get to it.

No more saying, “I don’t have time to write.”

No more saying, “I don’t have a place to write.”

No more excuses.

M-O-S-Q-U-I-T-O-E-S

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

I don’t know where they came from, or how they got inside my house, but I have a couple of pesky mosquitoes that have taken up residence in my home office. They may not have planned it that way, but I think they stay around because they see a free meal…

The first day they showed up, uninvited and unannounced, I got eaten up, badly. Within an hour, I had huge welts on my legs, arms, neck, and hands. It wasn’t just exposed skin they were going for, as I recall from past experience, these mosquitos also bit me through my shirt!

The fact was, I needed to work at my computer. It was in my office. And, so were the intruders.

I needed a plan. I needed to be proactive.

I tried the fly-swatter method. They seemed to know I was armed and waiting, so they laid low. It was only after I put the swatter down and started working that they ventured out, again.

If I wanted to get any work done, I had play defense: Type. Swat. Type. Swat.

Finally, I  went down to the corner drugstore and bought insect repellent. I sprayed the air, the carpet, my clothing, and doused all exposed skin.

Finally, I was successful. I repeated this every four hours, making it possible for me to get my work done every day this week.

Proactive. That’s the name of the game.

The same goes for writing. I have found I have to get proactive. I have a writing plan and as long as I stick to it, I can get a lot accomplished.

If  something or someone comes around to disrupt me, like say a phone call from a friend, I end up not being very productive—if I don’t follow the plan I put in place way back in January (no answering the phone or emails between 9:00 a.m. and 3 p.m. each day). And, that hurts.

I have to be proactive: answer emails, start the laundry, straighten up the house—BEFORE 9 a.m. If I do that, the next six hours are productive. If I don’t take charge of my writing life, there are always little mosquitos that buzz around with only one goal in mind: to suck the hours of productivity right out of me!

M-  Mom and Dad (they are older, now, and I need to check on them every day).

O-  opening emails and physical mail.

S-  snacking (the refrigerator and pantry are just a few feet away).

Q-  quiet (every little noise can be a distraction).

U-  up and down (the dog wants out, I need to stretch, change to laundry from the washer to 

      the dryer…)

I-  ideas that pop into my head at the most inopportune times, distracting me from the work at

    hand.

T-  telephone (a temptation to answer every time it rings…I put it on silent mode).

O-  opportunities (little things that seem to come up every day; seemingly “good” ideas, but 

      really nothing more than distractions in disguise.)

E- energy—lack thereof.

S-  social media. Need I say more????

How do you handle the “mosquitoes” in your life?

Similar, but Different

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

I recently shared with someone that I am a writer, but later I asked myself if I really understood the difference between being a writer and an author. I decided to find out.

I discovered that although the words might be used interchangeably, they really are different.

An author creates the idea or content of what is being written, whereas a writer uses someone else’s ideas.

But it’s not that simple because a writer can be an author if he/she is expressing his own thoughts or ideas.

And there’s more.

As pertaining to writing books, even if you develop the plot and write your own ideas, you will be known as the author only when it is published.

Even if you write A LOT, but never get anything published, you will be known as a writer—and there’s no shame in that. Lots of good work, great ideas, and a wealth of information/enjoyment comes from writers.

I’ve had a lot of fun writing skits for various groups, poems for friends’ birthdays, etc. That kind of writing is self-rewarding in that it doesn’t need to be submitted and I know it won’t be critiqued. I do it for pure enjoyment. I bet you do, too.

However, if you do have aspirations of being an author, follow these 2 steps:

  1. Write, using your own ideas.
  2. Publish your work.

Balancing Act

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

If you’re anything like me, you have a stack of books somewhere in your house that keeps getting taller. It seems like every book you read is replaced by one or two more!

The fact is, writers like to read. Need to read.

I’m not just talking about pleasure reading, which is a “given”. Every writer I have ever met has told me that it was the love of reading that sparked within them the desire to write.

No, I’m talking about reading about writing. The craft. Punctuation and grammar to be sure, but also reading about genres, point-of-view, voice, character development, plot and hundreds of more things we need to consider—need to master—in pursuit of excellence.

Once I started writing, I quickly realized the necessity of erecting two stacks of books. One I dubbed “Pleasure”; the other, simply “About Writing”. I have a rule concerning these books: Read from both stacks, simultaneously, so that I fulfill my need for learning AND for enjoyment.

So, what’s next on my stacks? James Scott Bell’s How to Write Dazzling Dialogue and Steven Pressfield’s Turning Pro are on top of the “About Writing” stack. And for pleasure, next up is Chapel Springs Revival by Ane Mulligan.

So, whether you keep an actual physical stack of books, like I do, or simply a list of “Must Reads”, my suggestion is that you try to balance your reading. After all, didn’t you hear this expression as a child? “All work, and no play, makes Jack a dull boy.”

 

Please visit http://www.spiritual snippets.com and http://www.5scribesandtheirstories.com to see what is going on there.

GO FOR IT!

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

So, here it is. A brand new year. If you’re like me, you contemplate making a few resolutions—goals for your lives, for your writing. Rather than hear about mine, perhaps now is the time to spend a few minutes in reflection of the past year and set your face toward the future. Will you be content to let the days go by without a plan, or will you resolve, as I have, to attempt more control over your writing life?

I say make a plan. Put it out there for all to read and enjoy their encouragement along the way—every day of 2015. Spotlight your goals. Update often. Revise when necessary. Feel free at any time to scrap them, rethink them, rewrite them. Go for it.

If you don’t start out to achieve, I think it is dead certain that you won’t. I’ve never heard of an athlete, musician, or public figure that didn’t work toward their goal, on a daily basis. One step, one note, one idea at a time.

One stroke of a key can mean the difference between meeting that goal or forever wishing that you had. It’s all at the tip of your fingers.

That next broken record, sonata, or humanitarian act is just waiting for someone to achieve it. Will it be you?

Mom Loves To Read

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

People sometimes ask me how I got started writing. I think it really started with reading. I grew up in a home where my mother modeled the love of reading. To this day, she always has a stack of books waiting on the end table next to her rocking chair. Her closets are filled with books—not clothes! If you ask her where she’d most like to go, she’ll quickly answer, “The bookstore!”

In elementary school, I was fortunate to have teachers who took time to read to the class after lunch recess. (A perfect way to calm down a rowdy group after a lively game of tether ball). I looked forward to this time of day, as they read to us about children in other countries, cultures, and time periods. My understanding of the power of the written word to transport and inspire began in those classrooms decades ago.

It shouldn’t surprise you, then, to hear that I grew up to be a teacher and that one of the favorite parts of my day was reading to my own class after lunch. I literally had to force myself to read only one chapter because I could have easily read to my students all afternoon! I could look out at that sea of young faces and tell which ones were also caught up in the story and were equally disappointed when we rejoined the present world and turned toward our math lesson.

When my own children were small, I didn’t have a lot of time for writing, so I wrote short stories, poems, or skits. I guess it was just enough to satisfy my yearning to create. But, I definitely wanted more.

Once I retired, I worked part time as a reading teaching for a few years before I decided to write in earnest. I remember the day I first sat down in front of the computer. I knocked out a lone paragraph. I was devastated to realize I had carved out time for my passion to write, but had no clue what to say!

My husband and I love to go to movies, so it was a natural next step for me to try my hand at screenwriting. I loved the action and I could see in my mind’s eye just what my characters would say and do—how they would interact—it was an exciting time for me. However, I soon learned that without relocating and forming connections in a world of actors, directors, and producers I was going nowhere.

So, that brings me to the present. It is a stimulating time for me because I have found that writing fiction fulfills that inner longing to create and bring to life characters that not only I, but other readers, can enjoy. By the power of the written word, my characters come to life. They live, they breathe, they have a voice.

I live in their world, as much as I do in mine. They become my friends and my constant companions. And, yes, I do still harbor that secret hope that some day they will live for all to see—on the big screen!

Please write and let me know how you started your writing journey.

Brenda

In The Zone

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

Ever have a thought that triggers a similar thought, that triggers another, and another? When looking at granola bars at my neighborhood market, yesterday, I saw one called “The Zone”. That made me think of the diet book I read last year. That led me to thinking about the Olympics and a comment made by one of the gold medalists, saying that he did especially well because he was “In the Zone.”

Even though I try to write everyday, I must confess I am not always in “The Zone”—that sweet spot from which I write perfectly. The words just flow. The Point of View Character speaks, authentically. I see the action take place in my own mind’s eye and it translates, precisely, to the paper, via the keyboard.

Yeah. In “The Zone”, there’s no anxiety, other than the suspense in the story, itself. I’m able to express myself just the way I had hoped. Why, it’s effortless!

So, how do we know such a place exists? And, if there truly is such a place as a “zone”, then how does one get there?

Well, I’m no expert, but I have experienced being in “The Zone” a few times. Was my arrival there purely accidental or was it due to some extraordinary effort on my part?

It seems to be that I am closer to writing in “The Zone” when I get caught up in my story, emotionally. When I actually become the character I’m writing about.  That sometimes happens when I take the time to give myself what I call “a flying leap.” That’s when I go back a chapter or two from where I finished off the day before and then read forward to that place where I stopped. Then, I just continue to write on. This gets me back into the character’s skin. I get immersed in the world of my story, again, and let myself feel the emotions that drove my writing the day before.

So, whether we’re talking about a school zone, a safety zone, or a time zone, it seems that being in one is a pretty good place to be. It’s that almost-magical place from which thoughts freely flow and fingers fly across the keyboard. Maybe it’s just another name for that unique world in which writers write at their optimum.

I hear my husband shouting from his man cave about a football player taking the ball into the END ZONE. I guess I’ll paddle down the hall and see what that’s all about…

Ever experience writing in the “pocket”, the “sweet spot”, or “the zone”? Write and let us know how you got there!

Brenda

Who’s Voice Should I Listen To?

Posted on by Brenda Poulos

Will people like it? Is it a “page turner”? Are the characters believable?

If my mother were to answer these questions about my soon-to-be published book, she would answer “People will love it. I could hardly put it down!”  I could ask any number of family members and they’d answer the same.  Families.

If I’d pose the same question to my friends, I’d get a similar response.  Except, maybe for a few who read A LOT. They’d expound by adding comments about spelling, grammar, syntax, and verb tense.

Ah, but now, when my critique group is asked for their honest opinions, I get suggestions for improvement, pointing out issues with point-of-view, voice, and so on.

If I enter a writing contest, based on reading my synopsis and 10-15 pages, judges will use a rubric to assess such things as a good “hook”, marketability, professional impact, and pacing. They may even respond to the question of whether, if they were an editor, they would ask to see the entire manuscript, based on reading such a small writing sample.

From those comments—some from very prejudiced persons—I base my decision as to whether or not my book is ready to send to an editor, a publisher, or whether it is in need of extensive revision. Three groups of people, each with a unique connection to this writer, each with a different focus, each possessing varying degrees of expertise.

So, I’m left with a big decision. Which group, if any, should my professional-writing self listen to? The one with the most expertise? The group of avid readers? Professional judges?

And, if I do listen, do I act on their advice? Do I base my future actions on what they have to say? How much weight do I give their comments over my inner voice—the one that desires to move forward and get that first novel published?

Lots of opinions. Lots of questions. I’m not sure I have the answers—yet.

So, I make a decision to read yet another “how to” book, attend just one more professional conference, sign up for an additional writing course. With added confidence, I  decide to trust—

the voice inside my head,

my gut,

my common sense,

what I know to be true.